Being born at 22

When I was young, I always wanted to know what it would be like to live abroad. The whole idea of everything new thrilled me. Of course back then, I was about 9, was growing up in a highly Americanized culture. Everything was American, but in the Filipino version of it. I saw American sit coms, watched CNN, I was just like every Filipino, with his ideal picture of life; American.

It's funny though how as I got older, I learned what consumerism was about, saw its effects, and began to hate it. I was asked to design a shopping mall once for design class, one of these one-stop, '...we've got it all for you...' places. I couldn't stomach it, I hated what it stood for. I despised the project, couldn't stomach designing such a building. In the end, I had to though, but I didn't go down without a fight, I wrote a paper alongside the plate. It wasn't required, but I just felt I had to be heard.

Around this time, I had grown out of my childish 'American dreams', and loved the everyday Filipino life I was living. I still wanted to move off to a place I always wanted to go to, Spain; Barcelona to be exact. I couldn't and still can't explain why, it just felt right. But this moving out wouldn't be born of a desire to leave a life i had behind, a life I truly loved in every way. Instead, it would be a continuation, just in a different setting. And then surprise! A few years later, here I am, in Barcelona.

I thought arriving in a place such as this, a place you feel a certain affinity to would be easy. Little did I know that it would be a little tougher. I had to learn a new language, adjust to a whole new way of life, it was like being born again-but with a past behind you. Back then, I went through the usual adjustment phase, happy-sad, confused, all at the same time. But the truth is though, it is quite interesting, now that I look at it all. A friend asked me some days ago if I missed home (Manila) still, and I replied; "Home will always be home, but this is a new start. I will always feel connected to the place I was born and grew up in, everything I am, how I think, is all molded by that place. But just as I lived there for a certain part of my life, I see my living here just the same as when I lived there, just in a different setting." You continue on with the rest of your years ahead of you, start anew but already being the person you are. Learning how to live anew, while already having had a 'life'.

I thought of writing this blog because of a chat conversation I had with a friend this morning. He was reviewing for his Architecture Board Exams, just as many of my batch mates are. I would have been doing the same too, if I never left. If I never left, I would know exactly where I was, more or less what I should be doing, where I was going. Maybe I would have my license too in this year together with the rest of them, those bunch of numbers, that piece of paper that blinds employers and clients into believing that you're to trust with their homes, projects. Instead, I am here, a 2 year-old.

A 2 year-old with a 22-year old past. Just like the rest of 'em, yes, I am learning my ABC's, practicing them as I speak in the new language I now speak. But part of what I have to learn as well, is how to errect buildings, with my fresh new ABC's and number system. Being a 2 year-old with a 22 year old past, also means I have old perceptions of things that I have to look at in a new way. Old perceptions like how I would like to have that piece of paper with numbers to allow my future employers and clients to sleep better at night, and to be brave enough to face the possibility that to be able to get that here, I will have to put up a pretty bloody fight. That among other things...

I have to say though that being two again has plenty of 'ups', maybe more than 'downs' as the days go by. I get to meet new friends, learn to have a new perception of things, eat new food, and guess what more (my 2 year-old counterparts in Manila would be so jealous); I can ride my bike now, anywhere I want, and unlike never before!

In the end, instead of feeling like i'm getting left behind by my peers back in Manila, I see it a new way; yes, I may have just finished 'crawling' again, as they are all running about. But that doesn't matter, because i'm learning it all anew for a new place, a new life. Soon enough i'll be running too.

Good luck to all my friends back home reviewing for the boards! I would have loved to be there and be part of it. I wish you all the best, and many prayers!