Flying Away

I like daydreaming, letting my thoughts wander, aspiring for something, being inspired. One of the things I find most important in life is the ability to do just this.

I'm down to my last to weeks of reviewing for my version of what my peers in Manila would call an 'Architecture Board Exam'. And today, i went to engineering class, thinking it wouldn't be difficult to still learn something new, add something more, more formulas, new procedeures, etc. After two hours of staring at the black board and listening to the professor, i thought, i'd be better off reading Chinese. I got up and left. I thought, i shouldn't kill myself over forcing three semesters worth of engineering subjects in five months together with having had studied some six more subjects.

I called some of the people closest to me, and let out my grief. And being the good friends and family they are, they consoled me, and let me hear the sweet words i wanted to hear, that i had already done enough. I have to admit, i knew i had done enough already, and my knowing it should be enough, but sometimes, it helps to hear it from someone else too.

As I walked home, I thought, all these technical aspects I have to be tested on, these will not be things that will make me a better architect, not in my book. Everybody can learn to draw, everyone can be good at engineering, these can all be learned. It may cost some people, but with time, it can all be learned and done. What will make me the architect I aspire to be is to do what I love to do best, let my mind be, explore new ideas, 'play'. And this can not be taught, only inspired.

I remembered my days at the University, any day where i let my mind wander, let my mind 'fly away', these were the times I was at my best, produced best results, was very happy, was high, literally 'flying away'.

After five months of studying nothing but the 'nitty gritty' of the practice, things that I value too, but enjoy less, I realized its been a while since I was able to let my mind free and explore new ideas. In focusing on all these technical problems, i hadn't 'played' for so long, and life's been pretty dull. I remembered the days in school back at home where I would study these technical subjects too, but also had 'Design' to think of. My mind 'flew away' when I drove, washed dishes, sat quietly at my desk holding a pencil facing a clean sheet of paper. With so much time away from all my daydreaming, I feel a part of me is ignored, I feel like I am incomplete.

In the end, I will, and I want to have all these technical abilities. As my friend Leandro put so well in his blog, as quoted from his dad, that "People are like mango trees, and we don't bear fruit until we are pruned, trimmed, hacked, and burned.", I too will have to get this process over and done with. And no doubt it will make me a better architect in the sense that it will. But i wish it won't take too long 'coz I'd like to take flight again soon.