Being born at 22

When I was young, I always wanted to know what it would be like to live abroad. The whole idea of everything new thrilled me. Of course back then, I was about 9, was growing up in a highly Americanized culture. Everything was American, but in the Filipino version of it. I saw American sit coms, watched CNN, I was just like every Filipino, with his ideal picture of life; American.

It's funny though how as I got older, I learned what consumerism was about, saw its effects, and began to hate it. I was asked to design a shopping mall once for design class, one of these one-stop, '...we've got it all for you...' places. I couldn't stomach it, I hated what it stood for. I despised the project, couldn't stomach designing such a building. In the end, I had to though, but I didn't go down without a fight, I wrote a paper alongside the plate. It wasn't required, but I just felt I had to be heard.

Around this time, I had grown out of my childish 'American dreams', and loved the everyday Filipino life I was living. I still wanted to move off to a place I always wanted to go to, Spain; Barcelona to be exact. I couldn't and still can't explain why, it just felt right. But this moving out wouldn't be born of a desire to leave a life i had behind, a life I truly loved in every way. Instead, it would be a continuation, just in a different setting. And then surprise! A few years later, here I am, in Barcelona.

I thought arriving in a place such as this, a place you feel a certain affinity to would be easy. Little did I know that it would be a little tougher. I had to learn a new language, adjust to a whole new way of life, it was like being born again-but with a past behind you. Back then, I went through the usual adjustment phase, happy-sad, confused, all at the same time. But the truth is though, it is quite interesting, now that I look at it all. A friend asked me some days ago if I missed home (Manila) still, and I replied; "Home will always be home, but this is a new start. I will always feel connected to the place I was born and grew up in, everything I am, how I think, is all molded by that place. But just as I lived there for a certain part of my life, I see my living here just the same as when I lived there, just in a different setting." You continue on with the rest of your years ahead of you, start anew but already being the person you are. Learning how to live anew, while already having had a 'life'.

I thought of writing this blog because of a chat conversation I had with a friend this morning. He was reviewing for his Architecture Board Exams, just as many of my batch mates are. I would have been doing the same too, if I never left. If I never left, I would know exactly where I was, more or less what I should be doing, where I was going. Maybe I would have my license too in this year together with the rest of them, those bunch of numbers, that piece of paper that blinds employers and clients into believing that you're to trust with their homes, projects. Instead, I am here, a 2 year-old.

A 2 year-old with a 22-year old past. Just like the rest of 'em, yes, I am learning my ABC's, practicing them as I speak in the new language I now speak. But part of what I have to learn as well, is how to errect buildings, with my fresh new ABC's and number system. Being a 2 year-old with a 22 year old past, also means I have old perceptions of things that I have to look at in a new way. Old perceptions like how I would like to have that piece of paper with numbers to allow my future employers and clients to sleep better at night, and to be brave enough to face the possibility that to be able to get that here, I will have to put up a pretty bloody fight. That among other things...

I have to say though that being two again has plenty of 'ups', maybe more than 'downs' as the days go by. I get to meet new friends, learn to have a new perception of things, eat new food, and guess what more (my 2 year-old counterparts in Manila would be so jealous); I can ride my bike now, anywhere I want, and unlike never before!

In the end, instead of feeling like i'm getting left behind by my peers back in Manila, I see it a new way; yes, I may have just finished 'crawling' again, as they are all running about. But that doesn't matter, because i'm learning it all anew for a new place, a new life. Soon enough i'll be running too.

Good luck to all my friends back home reviewing for the boards! I would have loved to be there and be part of it. I wish you all the best, and many prayers!

Listen to this!

I thought today was going to be another typical day at the store. My favorite part of my job is helping the customers out, chatting with them, figuring out what they would like if they go so far as to ask my opinion on the clothes they choose. But ofcourse, there are also those that don't want any help, there are all types. Today though, I assisted one of my favorite customers so far.

I greeted a guy in his mid-twenties that entered the store, like I do with most people who visit, and he responded quite nicely to my greeting, "Hi, I'm looking for something to buy for a 22-year old girl, I put my trust in any advice you could give me on what I should choose. Can you help me?" How sweet is that, I thought. A GUY was going SHOPPING with NO IDEA what to get for a girl, but was doing it anyway for his girl. So i helped him out, at first i thought it was a huge responsibility; sweet guy choosing something for his girl, I couldn't make any mistakes, it should be perfect. So I asked him for some kind of lead, what was her style, what did he have in mind/what would he like to get her. And then I showed him what would be good to get for spring, new 'happier' colors than those of the winter collection, what material would be suitable for the weather, etc. To start, I showed him what we had for the spring-summer collection. skirts, capri pants, jeans, some really cool and some really pretty tops. Then he pointed to a pair of capris. Great I thought, we have a starting point! "And her size?" I asked him. "I don't know" he said. The more unsure he was of what he was doing, the sweeter the whole thing was! So we figured out her size, from the body type she had that he descried to me. After looking at what there was of the things he wanted to see, we finally found a pair that he liked. It was a khaki-colored pair of capris, with pockets in the side, and a red hooded top. It was really cute I think, and he basically picked the top out himself, so that's even nicer, coz it's his choice. He got a set of cool, comfy, easy-going clothes for what he painted in my mind to be an easy-going chick. "If she likes it, i'll tell her I picked it, and if she doesn't, ill tell her it was the girl from the store that chose it!" Well, what do you know, he also had a sense of humor!

I took it to the cash register, and gift-wrapped it for im. "I'm going to be late!" He said. It was almost perfect, he went out and bought quite a difficult gift for a guy to get for his girl, 10 points for effort on that one! And then I said to him as I placed the package in a bag, "If all guys got gifts for their girls like you did, there would be many happy girls in the world." And then he said something which I wasn't sure what I would make of, "I hope this one lasts."

Lost in Translation

Everyday gets better and better. I've gotten off the roller coaster I've been on for the past year and a half. The world around me has stopped spinning so fast, the world has ceased to be upside-down, and my feet have finally touched the ground again. I am finally settling into my new life, the 24-years-and-8-months me living 'now' and whats ahead for me. I'm finally in the stage where things around me are familiar already, and I do things regular settled people do, errands, shopping for your daily needs.

I woke up today at 9:30, not too early, not too late. I felt like it was going to be a great day, I've been enjoying work more and I had a nice farewell dinner for one of my work buddies the night before. I got up, had a nice quick shower, put on my favorite skirt, a comfy sweater, and my trusty old boots. The weather was great again, sunny weather with the cool breeze of winter.

I set off to find something i needed to buy for my parent's trip over to see me, and I wasn;t sure if they'd have what I was looking for in this particular store. And great as my day was starting off to be, they had exactly what I wanted, for a price much cheaper than I expected, and it was the last piece waiting for me! I paid for it at the cashier, happy, content, had a little chat with the lady who took my payment, and I headed off to do my next errand, fetchign my computer at a freind's house.

I thought it was perfect that after doing that walk from the house to the mall to buy the inflatable bed I had to buy, there was a tram stop right outside the mall that stopps close to where my friend lives. I hopped in, and settled in a seat nearby, and decided to punch the ticket in in a few moments since my friend's house was still going to be a few more stops away. After less than two minutes of my getting in the tram, and sitting down, a man who worked at a tram with a device for swiping tickets came towards me. I thought, perfect, now I don't have to get up and do it myself. So when it was my turn to give my ticket, he swiped it, and to my surprise, he did it twice. And then the man asked me if it was 'valid'. I said, "Ofcourse, I just used that ticket the night before for the train." and he said, yes, so it says here, but is it valid? "And I said yet it is." Before I knew it, he pulled out a ticket pad and wrote me a notice for a fine to be paid for not paying for my ride at the tram. I asked him why he gave me that for and he said that I was making up stories, that I told him the ticket was 'valid' when in reality the last time I used it was last night and not when I had entered the tram. And then I realized what was going on. What I thought meant 'valid', as in, that the ticket has credit and I can pay for the tram ride, to him meant that it was validado, that I had already paid. And I was telling him I did, when the ticket says I hadn't because in reality, I really hadn't paid. And I was telling him the truth, although the truth to me, was a lie to him, for his understanding of the word. At this point, it was too late. I had been branded as a thief of the tram company, a delinquent citizen, that had a ticket full of credit and for some reason, to them, decided to take a free ride that morning. In the end, the headache cost me 40 euros.

So much for feeling so settled, I thought. I couldn't even understand the meaning of a word that would cost me 40 euros in the end. I was a stranger again at the place that was trying to turn into my home. There I was, trying to help myself whichever way I could in this normal, every day situation (or at least for the 'lucky' ones). And I was helpless, lost in translation.

STOREies

People ask me what it's like working my 6-hour or 8-hour shifts at the clothes store where I work, and to tell you the truth, it really is a lot more than just standing all day and fixing clothes.

The 'Capoeirista'

"Four dots. Imagine four dots on the floor." My Chilean work buddy decides to entertain us on a slow Tuesday afternoon at the store with some of his new Capoeira moves. "They form a square, one foot goes here, the other there...see? It's easy!" Next thing I knew, he was on his hands, and his feet were in the air. He's a pretty cool guy, very independent for his age, out in Barcelona on his own at a young age. "See? It's easy!" he says, doing a little more capoeira moves. Outgoing and adventurous as his moves are in practicing this martial art, he's a breath of fresh air to be around with.

What the F#%k?!

I asked the girls once, "Which piece of clothing do you think is the worst in the store?" I pointed to one i knew i'd never wear and would never thinkof designing had i been the designer. It was a green and grey knit top, with fake white fur sewed on to the front of it, in the shape of a square maze. I thought I was looking at something strange until my work mate brought over a shirt with three sleeves, the third one coming out of its chest area, like a trunk would off the face of an elephant. "This would go with three-legged pants" I thought. We hadn't sold a single piece of that one.

Sweet German Guy

A guy in what I thought would be in his early 30's comes into the store, and tries on a sweater around the area where one of the girls and I were tidying up some of the clothes at the shelves. Typically German in build, he was tall, long-limbed, white, lanky. He has brown hair that kind of flopped on to the sides of his head. "How does this fit?" he asked my work buddy. She replied in English that it was a little small for him. Then he started asking more questions and she turned to me since she started having a hard time with the laguage. So I attended to him. He turned to me and I saw the face of a little boy asking him momma to help him out with his clothes. The sweater's sleeves only barely reached his wrists, and he asked me innocently, cheerfully what I thought about it. So I told him maybe he should try a larger size, and then he put on a larger one and was happy with it after he felt more comfortable in it. With his cheery, innocent, child-like disposure, he asked me if the color would be good for spring. His friendly, trusting, happy energy was just sweet. Later on, he tried on another top, and would come out of the dressing room to ask me if it looked nice, and would take my opinions on everything he asked. We chatted (as I like doing with the clients I attend to) and so I found out he was German, and he found out I was from the Philippines. As he paid for his purchases, he got discounts the store was giving for the day, and I told him, "Great day for shopping isn't it? You get all these discounts." And in his sweet goofy manner, he replied, "Yes, it is a great day for shopping, I got nice clothes, discount, and I met you." The best part of the whole thing was that it didn't come off as some flirty comment at all. I laughed, thanked him for coming to the store, and continued with the rest of my tasks.

Dream Dog

A client went in the store once, with a three-month old French Bulldog. For those who don't know it, i'm crazy about dogs with crumpled faces. I came up to her, went crazy over the puppy, and she let me carry it. The dog fell right to sleep in my arms. Then I jokingly told her, "If you'd like, you can go check out our clothes and leave him with me!" She laughed, amused at my attraction to the dog, and let me have him for the rest of the time she was at the store.

Morocco, Warm and Cool

The best part of working at the store i'm at is the people, one of them being the Moroccan security guard. You 'settle in' into a conversation with him as easily and comfortably as you would on a warm, sandy beach under the shade of a coconut tree. The time at the store becomes that much happier with the little bits of conversation this work buddy of mine chats up when you're around fixing clothes up at his area.

The Warrior's Reminder by Erykah Badu (Mama's Gun)

I am awake
My mind is free
I am creative
I love myself
My will power is strong
I am brave
I practice patience
I don't judge folks
I give not to recieve
I don't expect
I accept
I listen more than I talk
I know I'll change
I know you'll change
I'll hold on one more day
I start over when necessary
I create my own situations
I am cosmic
I don't have the answers
I desire to learn
I am the plan
I am strong
I am weak
I want to grow
I know I will
I take on responsibility
I hide myself from no one
I'm on my path
Warriors walk alone
I won't let my focus change
Taking out the demons in my range

Thats Mama's Gun